Ease.

Middle child syndrome. "you can't have what you want." Hand me downs, leftovers. The attention given to the older and the younger kids. Always having to fight for attention, for fairness, seeing it given with ease to the younger kids, where it was withheld from you. The older kids feeling more bold and powerful, in charge, the younger kids feeling protected and spoiled. The middle child, the scapegoat, tortured by the older siblings, feelings of needing to protect the younger siblings. I was always looking for an escape, a hiding place. For justice, for fairness. But god, i made the best friends, i made spaces for myself and others, outside of the reality that i never truly fit in, where I never felt accepted or truly loved.

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