Posts

Alchemize, transmute.

Cut ties with negative people who wish me ill. Maybe i just haven't done scream therapy in too long of a time. i watch these tarot card readers, you do too. I feel energies. and I am working hard on protecting my energy, but God, I just get exhausted. it's just a constant war, a constant battle, against this negativity that I do not want to feel. Scream therapy was effective. I used to do it in my car on the thruway in New York. (It's called a "freeway" where it's free, in New York, you had to pay tolls, so it was the "thruway.") I would Scream, and then cough. My throat Chakra has never been clear. My birth cries were not welcomed. Everyone was PISSED at my birth. The doctor was so mad that my mom refused to have a "saddle block," that he lost his shit, which caused my dad to lose his shit, and per legend, the doctor made the nurses get up on my mom's pregnant belly and violently push me out. So, since my birth, i have been trying to...

Yeah, but was i drunk?

I use a fake name, i block people at work. BECAUSE I get bored, I drink, and I say weird and stupid shit. OR sometimes, I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO EXPRESS MYSELF AND TELL THE TRUTH, WITHOUT GETTING "IN TROUBLE" for it. Gah. Feeling irritated about the stalkers. I can't say SHIT, without some jealous bitch trying to "get me" for it. And jealous of WHAT? I mean, do YOU get it? I really wish people would just ignore me, when I drink especially. Katrina has learned to do it, my mom has learned to do it. This likely inspired by: i ran out of my antidepressant 2 days ago and I have to drive 8 hours to get it, AND be nuts and have withdrawal symptoms in the meantime. Fuck. Feeling stellar.

Teaching.

I have my small ripple effect. I have thank you cards taped on my fridge, from nursing students, I remember Colton just shaking his head and saying, "You have taught me SO MUCH." But it wasn't just "nursing skills." It was how to deal with unwanted attention when you have a big personality, because I HAVE LEARNED THE HARD WAY. Ripple effect. I have FAITH in the younger generations to SAVE US, to FIX THINGS. And i ENCOURAGE them, tell them they can do it. I am in the middle generation. Nothing gets fixed for MY generation, but it gets fixed BY my generation. I refuse for future generations to have to go through what WE went through. And that INCLUDES, in NURSING.

Dark. Light.

Up. Down. Good. Bad. Big. Little. Black. White. Everyone and everything is "good" AND "bad". But we are brainwashed from birth, to believe that everything must be labeled as one or the other. That's where the hypocrisy comes in. If the "bad" side wears red, it is *Bad,* but if the "good" side wears red, it is *Good.* It happens with religions and races and cultures and political parties and genders. If "male" nurses post about their experiences in nursing on social media, it is funny. If female nurses post about their experiences in nursing on social media, it's disgraceful, and probably a HIPAA violation, if we just try HARDER. *That is why GOD BLESS Scrubhacks Lindsey. I was noticed, as a nurse on social media, blogging. And don't think i wasn't. When I said that Lauralee called our old folks her "babies," the next time we had "online trainings," they said, "THEY ARE NOT BABIES!" ...
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